A Soul Searching Status Report
Since I have three weeks until school starts back for the semester, I feel like now is the time to create another blog post. For the past three months I've done a lot of soul searching for myself. People have prayed for me for God's plan to be revealed in my life, but I have also done some praying for the situation at hand. So, I am going to reveal what has been in my soul. To be honest, I still feel lost when it comes to my future. When I lost education as a major, I lost a sense of stability in my life. All of my plans went up in smoke, and one thing I want to say is this.
The way I see my situation is that mainly, there are two options. To be honest, I could either accept that the people on staff at the Educational Studies Unit are not going to change their decision to reject me and move on with some chances of regret, or I could change my attitude, build a backbone, and stop letting people (including the ESU staff) make me feel less than who I am. With this change in attitude, I hope to change the culture of the environment around me. This decision, in my opinion, is not the end all be all in my situation. Like every college student out there, I am just doing the best I can to go through the real world and real life. I know my introverted personality may scare some people off. People either assume that I'm shy or they'll make me out to be completely clueless about how things work outside of my book smarts. Here's one thing that they don't know. I've never been clueless about my content. I'm just clueless of people's motivations. I either wear my heart on my sleeve or I just close off. At times, the execution of content is a big problem with the motivational factor in mind. I honestly prefer meaningful conversations rather than pointless chit chat.
So now when I think about everything that has happened, I can no longer accept human standards for what I have been called to do. I can no longer attribute glory to people that are higher up in education and academia that only belongs to God.
Yet, there's a third option on my soul searching quest. I can just pray for the professors who have hurt me. In the midst of my pain and suffering from a rejection that cut deep into the depths of my soul, I have to make a choice to keep going. Forgiveness is a long road ahead and it will take a long time to cleanse my memory of the rejection. It will take a long time before "college of education" becomes a normal department rather than a deep seated hurt.
The way I see my situation is that mainly, there are two options. To be honest, I could either accept that the people on staff at the Educational Studies Unit are not going to change their decision to reject me and move on with some chances of regret, or I could change my attitude, build a backbone, and stop letting people (including the ESU staff) make me feel less than who I am. With this change in attitude, I hope to change the culture of the environment around me. This decision, in my opinion, is not the end all be all in my situation. Like every college student out there, I am just doing the best I can to go through the real world and real life. I know my introverted personality may scare some people off. People either assume that I'm shy or they'll make me out to be completely clueless about how things work outside of my book smarts. Here's one thing that they don't know. I've never been clueless about my content. I'm just clueless of people's motivations. I either wear my heart on my sleeve or I just close off. At times, the execution of content is a big problem with the motivational factor in mind. I honestly prefer meaningful conversations rather than pointless chit chat.
So now when I think about everything that has happened, I can no longer accept human standards for what I have been called to do. I can no longer attribute glory to people that are higher up in education and academia that only belongs to God.
Yet, there's a third option on my soul searching quest. I can just pray for the professors who have hurt me. In the midst of my pain and suffering from a rejection that cut deep into the depths of my soul, I have to make a choice to keep going. Forgiveness is a long road ahead and it will take a long time to cleanse my memory of the rejection. It will take a long time before "college of education" becomes a normal department rather than a deep seated hurt.
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