Jess's Journal: Life Unscripted

For the past three months, I have been writing poems on and off left and right. I've only completed one poem out of three, but here is an unfinished poem I am currently working on. "Anguish" On the surface, I’m happy But on the inside, I’m weeping It seems as if no matter what I do I’m always going to be reminded By past mistakes and past hurts It’s always one step forward Taking two steps back Constantly asking myself Is it worth fighting for Something or someone already lost? For today, I am Job A shell of a girl I once knew Wasting away in the midst Of chaos and confusion – I’m only ashes and dust. The anguish of my spirit And the bitterness of my soul Is all I’ve ever known. Then I ask myself, Does it really have to be this way?    

Since I have three weeks until school starts back for the semester, I feel like now is the time to create another blog post. For the past three months I've done a lot of soul searching for myself. People have prayed for me for God's plan to be revealed in my life, but I have also done some praying for the situation at hand. So, I am going to reveal what has been in my soul. To be honest, I still feel lost when it comes to my future. When I lost education as a major, I lost a sense of stability in my life. All of my plans went up in smoke, and one thing I want to say is this. The way I see my situation is that mainly, there are two options. To be honest,   I could either accept that the people on staff at the Educational Studies Unit are not going to change their decision to reject me and move on with some chances of regret, or I could change my attitude, build a backbone, and stop letting people (including the ESU staff) make me feel less than who I am. With this change in at