An Open Letter to the College Major That Left Me, 2 Years Later
Dear Education,
It is time for me to apologize and own up to everything I have done to you, both in what led to the parting of ways and the aftermath. After all that's said and done, I am the only one responsible for our eventual outcome. I take full responsibility of my actions since the open letter from two years ago. If anything, the experience I had the last two years made me realize a lot of things.
I was the one who chose to lie to lose a scholarship. I was the one who tried to change myself instead of being real with you. I was the one who rejected any attempts of constructive criticism through your action plans by living in complete denial of everything. I was the one who was competitive and perfectionistic. And I was the one who decided that being negative towards you or doing things out of jealousy through both my social media use and in real life was healing when in actuality, I was continuing to hurt myself and everyone in the process. Especially for attention. I know that I cannot undo everything that has happened but I hope to mend things the best I can as time goes on.
I realize now that you left me, not because you wanted to intentionally hurt me, but you wanted to help me. You were concerned for me, because you knew if I continued going through life the way I was living then it would end badly for me. A person who was living a façade as well as a person who held grudges was someone you did not need. A person who was extremely competitive and perfectionistic was someone you did not need. That was the person I fed because I thought it was the thing to do. But in actuality, it wasn't. I pretended to be someone I was not. I lived in reckless disregard of what was expected of me. That is something I fully regret to this day.
You needed someone who was real. Someone that can take criticism and turn it into a growth opportunity. Someone who can be creative in a balanced way despite limited resources. Someone who celebrates people's accomplishments both big and small without comparing themselves. And someone who understands that not everything in life involves academics and books. Or even sports. Or what's the latest fashion or what's on Netflix. Or even majors.
After all, the biggest lesson I've learned from you is that I am not my college major. You are, after all, a college major, but so is English and so are Media Communication and Psychology. I learned to not base my identity on what I major in, but rather in who I am and who I am becoming in the process. I learned that reflection is a way to improve myself on seeing not just what I can see on a surface level but what is beyond that forest. You wanted the best from me and I could not give that to you. I let you down in so many ways. I couldn't be the person you needed me to be the most. With that being said, the ripple effect of what I wrote from two years ago has extended further than what it should have been.
I cannot say with certainty on what life looks like for me going forward without you. So much has changed and things are different now than what it was two years ago. I am still learning and growing as a person. I want to make it clear that I am not the same person I was when I wrote that open letter to you two years ago. You bear no responsibility for the anger I have felt or for the unhealthy mindset that I developed in the process. These actions and thoughts were all my own. I should have processed things a lot differently and for that, I am sorry.
I don't want this letter to be a part of promoting myself. An open letter to apologize to the college major that left me is simply an apology. Things on social media circulate, people gossip in real life, and that is just what I have learned to accept along the way. Only time will tell if what I do in the future lines up with the remorse I feel and the things I have learned, which is something I pray for and will continue to pray for. Not only will I continue to apologize with words and actions, but I will continue to learn and grow as the human being that I needed to be back then.
Thank you,
Jessica
It is time for me to apologize and own up to everything I have done to you, both in what led to the parting of ways and the aftermath. After all that's said and done, I am the only one responsible for our eventual outcome. I take full responsibility of my actions since the open letter from two years ago. If anything, the experience I had the last two years made me realize a lot of things.
I was the one who chose to lie to lose a scholarship. I was the one who tried to change myself instead of being real with you. I was the one who rejected any attempts of constructive criticism through your action plans by living in complete denial of everything. I was the one who was competitive and perfectionistic. And I was the one who decided that being negative towards you or doing things out of jealousy through both my social media use and in real life was healing when in actuality, I was continuing to hurt myself and everyone in the process. Especially for attention. I know that I cannot undo everything that has happened but I hope to mend things the best I can as time goes on.
I realize now that you left me, not because you wanted to intentionally hurt me, but you wanted to help me. You were concerned for me, because you knew if I continued going through life the way I was living then it would end badly for me. A person who was living a façade as well as a person who held grudges was someone you did not need. A person who was extremely competitive and perfectionistic was someone you did not need. That was the person I fed because I thought it was the thing to do. But in actuality, it wasn't. I pretended to be someone I was not. I lived in reckless disregard of what was expected of me. That is something I fully regret to this day.
You needed someone who was real. Someone that can take criticism and turn it into a growth opportunity. Someone who can be creative in a balanced way despite limited resources. Someone who celebrates people's accomplishments both big and small without comparing themselves. And someone who understands that not everything in life involves academics and books. Or even sports. Or what's the latest fashion or what's on Netflix. Or even majors.
After all, the biggest lesson I've learned from you is that I am not my college major. You are, after all, a college major, but so is English and so are Media Communication and Psychology. I learned to not base my identity on what I major in, but rather in who I am and who I am becoming in the process. I learned that reflection is a way to improve myself on seeing not just what I can see on a surface level but what is beyond that forest. You wanted the best from me and I could not give that to you. I let you down in so many ways. I couldn't be the person you needed me to be the most. With that being said, the ripple effect of what I wrote from two years ago has extended further than what it should have been.
I cannot say with certainty on what life looks like for me going forward without you. So much has changed and things are different now than what it was two years ago. I am still learning and growing as a person. I want to make it clear that I am not the same person I was when I wrote that open letter to you two years ago. You bear no responsibility for the anger I have felt or for the unhealthy mindset that I developed in the process. These actions and thoughts were all my own. I should have processed things a lot differently and for that, I am sorry.
I don't want this letter to be a part of promoting myself. An open letter to apologize to the college major that left me is simply an apology. Things on social media circulate, people gossip in real life, and that is just what I have learned to accept along the way. Only time will tell if what I do in the future lines up with the remorse I feel and the things I have learned, which is something I pray for and will continue to pray for. Not only will I continue to apologize with words and actions, but I will continue to learn and grow as the human being that I needed to be back then.
Thank you,
Jessica
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