In His Time, Not My Time

Over the past few weeks of my third year of college, I've wrestled with the battle against my own singleness. As an INTJ, friendships and relationships do not come easily to me. I always wanted things and words to make sense. There are days in which I struggle with verbally getting the words out as eloquently as I put them down on paper. Other times, what I put down on paper is the opposite of eloquent.

As an introvert, human interactions expend energy from me. After social events, I need time to myself to recharge. This has been a huge barrier in my personal and professional life. If I'm really honest with myself, it's part of the reason why I am on a different path than what I have originally planned in college. There are times where I wish that my personality was a little different. There are times that I wish I wasn't impulsive in my unconscious mind. Historically, I've struggled with my own singleness for a long time. I never dated in high school, and so far, I'm not dating in college.

However, there were many points in time when I wished I wasn't single and alone. As human beings with real desires, emotions, and feelings, we desire for human connection. If I'm being honest, I hate being alone. I don't want to be alone. I am wishing that Mr. Right comes around my path right at this moment in time. There are verses in Genesis 2:18-22 to back me up on this:

18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

19 Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals.

But for Adam[f] no suitable helper was found. 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs[g] and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib[h] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

My heart grieved with the question on why Mr. Right hadn't come along. After all, my introversion brings upon a major weakness in my heart. I also have this fear of rejection in my heart. I wish I could just find someone that I could just make "The One". But I'm still waiting. It is not my time, but in God's time. I know this is a struggle for me to reveal my heart, but ladies, it is much better to be single and alone than to be with the wrong person. You can't make someone love you when the heart does not allow time for you or does not feel it.

Over the summer, I have listened to a spoken word poem from Janette...ikz titled "I Will Wait For You". This was during the time I struggled with why I did not get accepted into the education program. This struck me to my core and I wanted to share this video for people to watch it, because it speaks to the situation better than I ever could.

So, at the end of the day, I'm still waiting for the right person for me. It will be in God's time, and not my time. For now, God has called me to enjoy the single life. That's my purpose right now for the time being. The next time I look at other people's engagement or wedding photos, I will be happy for them as I have been knowing that it was the right time for them. But like I said earlier, it is not my time right now. That may be a hard pill to swallow, but I'm perfectly okay with it.