Jess's Journal: Life Unscripted

A year ago, I took on a 30 day prayer challenge not only to grow closer to the Lord, but to also attempt to gain clarity in the midst of chaos and confusion. I wanted to make sense of what is causing division in my family, and the presidential election amplified the differences to the point where nothing makes sense. Then, in the fall semester, I wrote an essay about my failed attempts to become an individual in both a collectivist Appalachian society and Greek family values through anxiety. A year later, gaining clarity in the midst of chaos and confusion was the theme of my summer starting with volunteering at LUCID for a week of worship. I am in a transition period with a college major change after another 4.0 semester, but a rejection from the teacher education program. The chaos and confusion took on a brand new level to where the future remains unclear. And the common denominator: anxiety. It is a thing that I have struggled with for a long time. I am super competitive acad...

Dear Education, I am writing this to let you know that I have moved on. You were a part of my story for two years. Although we shared so many good memories together, you decided that you weren't right for me and left me without any explanation. However, it is not that simple. With you, I lost a part of myself I could never get back. With you, I had to lie in expense of everything else. You were always first and everything else came second. I did everything to please you, but it is clear that I couldn't measure up to your standards. You encouraged me to lie which led to me losing a scholarship. I couldn't even be my quirky, funny, and creative self around you. You tried to change me into something I was not for the sake of fitting into your definition of professional. I always felt inadequate around you as I had to walk around eggshells. You put me down through action plans, people, and experiences. People kept asking me to quit you, but I was too invested in you to ev...

Hey guys! I think I have my upcoming fall semester schedule somewhat finalized. So, I want to go on a little journey through what this fall is going to be like for me. 1. ENGL 310 - Major Authors In this class, a particular author is going to be covered. I will be studying and reading all about the author and his or her works. In this class, I will be reading selected works from Flannery O'Connor. This class also includes a three day field trip to Flannery O'Connor's birthplace, home, gravesite, and archives in Savannah and Milledgeville, GA. Major Authors is a required core class for all English majors. 2. ENGL 421 - History of the English Language This class is a study of the origins and developments of the English language and grammar from the Anglo-Saxon period to today. This is a required core class for all English majors. 3. ENGL 471 - Shakespeare Shakespeare is a required class for all English majors. It is also a really fun class. 4. SPAN 111 - Elementar...

They changed me Into somebody I'm not They'll look with glee When they are rid of me How could this be They stress me out a lot But they are with glee Because they set me free

Over the past couple of weeks, I have reflected on a lot of things. When I was rejected from the teacher education program at Union, my life suddenly stopped for a moment. A curve ball had hit me straight in the face. Understandably, I was in tears. I couldn't handle what would happen next. I felt that I had let everyone, including my friends and family, down. I thought, now what? The next couple of days were the roughest, as I was performing, with Union Harmony, in front of so many people including the professor who flat out told me that education is not the right fit for me. I held back my anger and tears, knowing he was a major reason that my aspirations were crushed. I had a dream, and it was put on hold. I wanted nothing more than to just prove to him along with everybody else in the department that I will be successful in the teaching field, despite their thoughts that I wouldn't thrive in it. However, it is all over now, and there is no reason to have bad blood, or reg...

It has been almost a year since my last post. While reading through the previous blog posts I have made, I have realized that I have come so much farther than I did not realize. When I have written "Illusions", I had quit journalism and life was falling apart. I have since moved on from the experience and looked back with a smile. Yet, there are things that happened in college that are beyond my control. When I started my second year at Union College, I was an education major. I wanted to teach high school students. Due to events that were not of my control, I ended my career as an education major and am now continuing on as an English major. This was completely unexpected. Although life is not falling apart at the same capacity as it did when I quit journalism, there is still somewhat of a grudge and resentment. During my time as an education major, I was frustrated beyond belief. I lost a part of myself that I could not get back. I also have wasted two years on time and...

The last time I blogged about life, I was beginning a new semester of college. Now, it is summer and it's time to reflect on things. Oftentimes, the uncertainties of life bring forth many questions that sometimes can be left unanswered. So far this summer, I've managed to dive in to so many questions. I'm also in a new small group at church, which is an exciting experience.  Prayer   Over the summer, I have decided to integrate prayer in my life. How does prayer enrich my daily life? The way I can answer this is that prayer is a conversation with God. It's more than just praying when a test comes up or on Sundays during worship. It's constant communication. It's persistent prayer that helps lead to action. It reminds me of 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18: "Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."  The Greek word for without ceasing is adialeiptōs, which also means without i...